Tuesday 27 March 2018

What does it mean to be teammates in a marriage

Posted by at 2:05 PM in

Teammates  Not  Enemies

A marriage works best when we stop focusing on ourselves and instead regard God and each other as most important.

Makes sense, right?

But it’s not that easy, is it my friends? …  I know that I personally still struggle with this part of marriage once in a while.  

When my feelings become hurt it can seem safer to put up an emotional wall of protection, rather than to focus on what it is that my husband needs from me. And, when my wall is up my husband feels pushed away and is less than motivated to focus on my needs. This of course hurts my feelings further and I continue to build my protective wall. The higher my wall goes the less my husband is interested in being gentle with my heart.

This silly, and self destructive, cycle will continue to grow on itself until we chose to put a stop to it.

Thankfully after ten years of marriage this crazy cycle happens less and less. We have learned the importance of looking at each other as teammates not as enemies.

We have witnessed the growth of a beautiful relationship, and the bonding, that comes from remembering that we are on the same team. We each put in the hard work to learn about what the other spouse needs and then chose to actively take steps to provide for those needs, because... well... that's what you do as teammates!

This picture was taken at the 2018 Weekend To Remember Marriage Getaway hosted by Family Life Ministries.

It's impossible for any one person to fill the every need of another. This expectation can actually be quite unhealthy and hinder connection in a marriage. But, when we carry each other’s burdens, remain loyal and flexible, and consistently put in the time to build one another up, we know that the marriage is strengthened and that any obstacle or hardship is much easier to tackle together.

Teammates ~ respect and cherish

When my husband demonstrates his commitment and love to me, no matter how illogical he may think this need of mine is, I am reassured that he’s here to stay. I am comforted with the knowledge that he will not leave; emotionally, spiritually or physically. In this way he reminds me that our marriage is a safe place and that I am needed and wanted.

This is when I feel most cherished by him.

When I focus on the dedicated provider and loyal father that my husband is, and when I look at the incredible qualities that he possesses, I am more likely to thank him for all that he does for our family. When I step back and take the time to understand him I can more easily sense his needs and care for him in the ways that he desires. I am able to genuinely reaffirm him and who he is as a husband.

This is when he feels most respected by me.

* My book My New Normal: Learning to Thrive with Chronic Illness can be purchased at Westbow and Amazon or most other online retailers.

When we take the time to build on our own relationships with God, and then come together and lift each other up through prayer, our marriage is stronger and we are both encouraged.

This is when we feel most like a team.

Now it's your turn... What can you do today to show your spouse that you're on the same team?